quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
