nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
