Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
