I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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