happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
