If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
