I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
