I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
