put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
