You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
