Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
