i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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