dude i'm inner monologue high
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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