im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
