ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
