Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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