she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
