They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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