they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
