So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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