If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
