Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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