I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
