Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
