By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
