Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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