He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
