in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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