she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
