did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
