imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
