If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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