I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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