that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
