Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
