You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
