Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
