i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
