If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
