You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
