all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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