I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
