You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Swine flu. Run for my life!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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