I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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