she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
