The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
