Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
