i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
