My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
