areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
